For You.

I just want you to know that I am not a perfect lover. 

I've been from failed relationships and I have heard millions of broken promises. I want you to know that you will not have a smooth-sailing relationship like what happens in fairy tales. There will not be a month that we will not argue about something. I would be jealous, I would be paranoid and I will make it clear to you that I am not open for a compromise. If you really love me, you will love every single part of me. I will check your phone and you would have to defend who are these people texting you. I will require you to be sweet and thoughtful; to shut your mouth when I rant about random stuff and when I start to be stubborn because of a simple thing. We would share nights that I will require you to reply until morning. I would want to see your text messages before I sleep and when I wake up. I am not rich. I will not treat you to places where I would spend much. I won't require you to be intelligent but I don't want you to be stupid. I'll probably break your neck together with your phone and your face if you will cheat on me. I will make your life miserable if I found out that you are just playing games with me. I don't want you to compare me with your ex and I'll probably strangle you if you say you will leave me because there are other prettier girls than me. I talk when I sleep. I would require you to fetch me at times. I don't want you to be late when we meet somewhere. There will be times that I will ask you to stay at home even if your friends are dying to go out with you. We will have fights. A lot of fights.

But you know, even if I'm this imperfect, I WOULD NEVER ASK YOU TO LEAVE ME AND TELL YOU THAT I HAVE FALLEN OUT OF LOVE. You will be the first person I will think of before going to sleep at night and when I wake up in the morning. I will start an argument but hug you in the end. I may be jealous and paranoid but only to guard you from potent infidelity. I will require you to text me all the time because you will be the only reason why I will keep checking on my phone. I've been into failed relationships and I don't want ours to be like those. I will not ask you to promise anything because I've had enough of broken promises. I don't want you to talk about your past because I just want you to think of our present and our future. I may snore so loud but I would want to keep you in my arms when I sleep.

I will never be a perfect lover but I'll be the imperfect lover who will love you perfectly...

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NOW not LATER

Never hesitate to say how much you value your loved ones because you will never know when will be the last time you will be able to see them, touch them, hug them or kiss them.

It was yesterday, November 14, 2013 that I was going to office. Riding a northbound bus on EDSA, I sit there when suddenly, people started to murmur and I heard others saying “Anong nangyari sa kabilang lane? Bakit ang traffic at and daming pulis?” (What happened on the other lane, why is it traffic and there were dispersed policemen?) Due to curiosity, as I was sitting near the window, I peeked and there I saw bodies on the other lane along EDSA-Magallanes. I did not just bodies… It was corpses and I can’t help myself to be sad, seeing an accident like that and personally seeing the dead bodies of the casualties. I went to the office, unsure of the real reason behind the accident.

It was only this morning that I have read the whole story of the accident.

            “Makati City Police chief Col. Manuel Lucban Jr. said an Elena Liner Bus (TXN 191) rear-ended an MGP Trans bus (NXV 350) and hit several people at the loading bay of EDSA-Magallanes southbound lane.”- ABSCBN News Online

Then it hit me, when it is your time, you will die. The people who died in the accident are just mere commuters waiting at the loading area. They are just waiting for a bus to ride.. They are just standing there innocently. Maybe they will be going to work, meet a friend, or do some other errands. They don’t know that it was the day of their deaths. What saddens me the most is that on accidents like those wherein you have no idea when you are going to die, is that you were not able to say your good byes, your deepest thank yous and your sweetest I love yous. 

Then I thought to myself, I am not showing the people I love how much I love them because all I think is that I still have time. That I can show them my feelings some other time. But because of that accident, it awakened me. It made me realize that I don’t know how much time I still have on earth and I don’t know how much time left my loved ones have either. So why do I need to procrastinate in showing how much I love them, how much I care for them and how much I value them. The time for deeds in NOW because we don’t know if we still have LATER. 

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To my Future Significant Other

Hi. Thank you for choosing me as the one you want to spend your whole life with. Thank you for picking me. I warn you, this will be hard. You have to deal with my overly complicated personality. But I have to say, I admire you for accepting me for who I am. I bet you’ve already seen me cry over a simple tear jerking film, laugh my ass off over a stupid joke or even become sad over a dying dog. This is who I am. I am a simple girl. I laugh over small things and I do cry over simple things, too. I hope you do understand what I mean.

I have to warn you, dealing with me will be very difficult. I have so many issues in life. I tend to get jealous easily. But please, if you feel I am getting jealous over a girl or over your ex-girlfriend, please don’t make fun of me. Just hug me tight and say that they don’t matter because I am the only one you love and you will never leave me. Please bear with me if sometimes I don’t say what I really feel.  Sometimes, I want you to take the initiative to feel that there is something wrong with us. One hug could change my mood, really it’s true. So if you noticed that I am quiet (which is very not my personality) then there is something wrong and it’s time to give me a power hug.

Please get used to me crying. I know that I look strong on the outside and it seems that I am just a happy-go-lucky girl, but I tend to get emotional very often. Please bear with me. I cannot control it. Also, please don’t let me stop working. I would love to work for our children and I want to help you earn money. It’s not that I think you can’t handle it but I think if I work, we can give our children a better future and we can provide for their needs and we can go out every vacation and spend family bonding in distant places. I promise that I will make it a point to cook dinner for us even though I will be very busy when it comes to work.

I hope we can still have time for each other even if we have our kids-watch movies together, have a picnic by the garden. Please try to understand that I am a hopeless romantic. I believe in fairy tales and I sometimes wish they could happen to me, to us. I want you to hold my hand in our 50^th anniversary and I want to spend my every birthday with you- I hope you want it too.

Thank you, for taking time to read this and thank you in advance for loving me wholeheartedly and entrusting me with your heart. I love you. 

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“One day, someone is going to hug you so tight. That all of your broken pieces will stick back together.”

Have you been broken many times you don’t know if it is really in your nature that you were always left behind by the people you love. You were broken, to the point that pieces of you were so shattered that you thought you will never be whole again. Cause it hurts, you know, to be broken then be whole then be broken again.. It was always the same story. What hurts more is that when you became broken for another time, you are shattered into smaller pieces than before making it more difficult for you to be whole again. People will come into your life, you’ll treat them as special as you could, show them how special they are to you then eventually they will treat you like crap or an option, or a spare tire that they could get in case of need. Then you became tired of feeling that way, and then, you almost gave up on love.

But it is funny how universe plays with you. At the time that you are healing yourself and you aren’t even looking, someone comes. No, they don’t come cause they were there with you all those times. You just didn’t appreciate their presence before. Even that person doesn’t know how much impact you will have on his life because you will not treat each other as special. Then as time goes by, you two will be closer than before, you sharing secrets and dreams with that person, and he does that too. You will share a cup of coffee, share the same bed at group night outs, share happy moments and even your frustrations… and eventually, you share your whole life to them, all of those both of you are unaware.

Then each day, you look forward to see them, and spend time with them and eventually, saying goodbye becomes difficult and hard to say because you want them beside you all the time. But you say to yourself, you are just close friends and that’s all you could ever be because that’s what you both know. And it’s funny, other people see what’s going on between the two of you, that you both act more than friends and it’s just the two of you who were unaware of such because both you became close minded to the idea that you were just friends.

And then you realize you are not feeling the hurt anymore. Maybe it is still there, but you are more focused on the happiness your special friend gives you. You know you are still broken but for some reason you don’t seem to care at all until one day you seem to wake up with just a smile in your face. And all will change….all will change cause you realize, all along, both of you are just not recognizing that you are inlove with each other.

Finally, all will make sense. You will get the reason why he became a good friend all along and why he didn’t rush things… cause he cares so much about you and fears that the solid foundation you’ve both established will fall into pieces once he told you his feelings.. You will be able to connect the dots and you will be able to see the whole picture that this guy is so afraid to lose you to the point he can give up his own intentions just to keep you in his side. Is that what you want? A guy who is afraid to lose you and will do just anything for you to stick around. Lucky you, because you have a guy like him.

Then one monumental day, he will hold your hand, your fingers intertwined and his love for you will radiate and you will feel his happiness and his urge to never let you go. Because he holds your hand with much grip you can literally feel his love for you. When you thought no one can surpass the happiness you’re feeling, he will hug you. You will receive a hug that will send shivers in your spine, butterflies in your stomach. You will finally feel that you are loved, and yes you deserve to be happy. He will hug you so tight and it doesn’t matter to you coz all you ever wanted was to be hugged that way. The hug that says “I will never let you go” and “I have you and you have mine.” You will feel that all your broken pieces is slowly going back together and it’s not the type of being whole that there are traces of being broken. It’s like you are restored with no scars at all. Because you are a new you.

And because of that, you will love him more than you have ever loved anyone. You will love him like you’ve never been hurt, trust him like you’ve never heard a lie and stay with him like you’ve never experienced goodbye.

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