Random Thoughts.

July 8, 2014
10:09pm

I had a terrible day. I don't know what to do. I've been missing a lot of my close friends. I feel like I have been apart from the world I used to love. I don't know what happened. I don't know really. Just now, I feel so alone. It's as if no one understands me. Yes, they could console and they could tell me that I am alright, but do they know what I feel, do they know how was it like? To be alone and to be the only one in that situation? No they don't. But still I feel thankful, that even though they don't understand what I have been going through, they still manage to sit beside me and talk.

And now, I have been thinking a lot, what is wrong with me, seriously? I have been trying my best to act normal, feel normal and talk normal. But I have so much hurt and sadness in my heart that I become completely dependent on a single person and now that the said person starts to ignore me and instead of talking to me or asking me how my day was, he would go to his laptop, play and scroll the web until I don't know when and then he finally wants to sleep, he will sleep. I don't is it just me overreacting or am I missing something. I would tell him a thing or an idea and he will answer me with a harsh , irritated tone. WHAT HAVE I DONE TO YOU???!!! I haven't seen you the whole day and i just miss you,. but I guess you miss your laptop more, didn't you? And I don't know how immature it might sound but can you at least can you talk to me and ask me how my day was? Would it take an hour to do such thing? It feels like when I talk to you, you are very much irritated and you just want to immediately cut the conversation. Will I have the drive to talk to you after hearing such when all I can feel is that I am a distraction to whatever you are doing. Of course, I will keep quiet until my body will say that it is already time to sleep, I will go to bed and will try to sleep. As my eyes are closed, I try to hold back the tears that have been longing to go out , and yet, you are there, busy and ignoring me.